You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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