Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize
