You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
