I want to stick my p in your. b.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
