Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
