i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
