I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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