I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told grandpa to call you daddy
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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