I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
