fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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