Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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