I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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