he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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