Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
