i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
