I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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