i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
