I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
