he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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