yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
