We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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