I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
