could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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