Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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