I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
