dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
