She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
