I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
