My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I enjoy the company of your penis
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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