i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
