I hate your face
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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