it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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