Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
