I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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