Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
