We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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