evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Randomize
