On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
