He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
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