if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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