Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
True strength comes from lack of pants
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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