Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
