My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
