Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
