I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
