She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
