even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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