Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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