he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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