We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
