You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
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