I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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