I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
