Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
