wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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