He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
