my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Randomize
