She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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