So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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