Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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