i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
