How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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