I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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